one of the ways we show our age

March 23, 2011 § Leave a comment


http://www.avclub.com/video_embed/?id=53058
Baths cover LCD Soundsystem

Check it out, it’s a beautiful version of a song that makes me miserable. This morning (all the many hours since midnight, too) my thoughts have turned towards what to do when someone simply isn’t who you thought he was. Greenberg reminds me so strongly of this person, the total confusion about what to do with his life and how to treat the people in it, the inability to recognize what he has in favor of what he wants, the pure fear of growing up.

I want to be angry and I want to end our friendship. But then I look at myself and I’m Greenberg, too. We all are, at a certain age – Lorrie Moore has this line in Anagrams about the period between like 25 and 37 being called “stupidity” because you’re too old to think you know everything and not old enough to be comfortable with all that you don’t know, you’re just old enough to realize how stupid you are and powerless to fix it. He’s there, I’m there. Who am I to judge when life scares the shit out of me too?

He will always own a part of my heart and I will always be a safe place for him no matter what – and maybe all the pain and disillusionment that goes with it is the price I pay for being stupid and selfish and careless in my own way. But consider me officially broken, I can’t do this ever again for anyone.

M

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